Open Mic

This is for all the little sisters.

The little sisters with big brothers.

I’ve been there.

At times it may have seemed like I didn’t care, that I didn’t know what was going on.

But, I did.

I knew things weren’t normal, that you weren’t okay. But was I brave enough to ask?

No, I wasn’t.

I was loosing my best friend, my big brother.

What was I loosing him to?

An addiction.

Something that I don’t think I will ever understand completely. But something that I wish I had known how to stop.

Instead of being someone I looked up to, you became someone I feared. Someone I no longer recognized.

But what do I know? I'm just the little sister. Right?

I’ll never forget the disappointment I felt on my 16^th birthday when I sat at home by myself while mom and dad had to pick you up from the police station. Then when asked why you never wished me happy birthday you said “I was high, what do you expect?”

I know you wouldn’t expect me to care, cause that’s what little sisters do… is try and act like no one else matters but themselves.

But what did you not see?

You didn’t see me praying everynight that you would come home safe.

You didn’t see me die a little inside each time you broke one of your promises.

You didn’t the tears I would cry everyday wondering when I would ever see the big brother I had known. Or atleast thought I knew.

There was so much I wanted to do to help you, to say to you, but I didn’t know how.

But putting all of that aside, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for not being there.

I'm sorry for acting like I didn’t care.

For not letting you know that I was scared.

Im sorry for not listening, when all you needed was a friend.

Im sorry for not ever telling you I love you.

But hey, what do I know, I'm just your little sister.